Terrible Twos

Yesterday was my daughter’s second birthday and, as one does, I decided to kill some time by checking her development against a series of online checklists. I recognize that this is not unlike my obsessive drunken readings of countless, “Are YOU an alcoholic?” articles that I used to do, cocooned in my office with aContinue reading “Terrible Twos”

Crappy Weather

It’s been a pretty drab week. Days of freezing rain have kept me inside, and I’ve spent most of it learning the ropes of my new University position. This place is SO MUCH BIGGER than the one I’m coming from, and the courseload is insane, so it’s not like it wasn’t necessary. Still, we’re allContinue reading “Crappy Weather”

My Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Day

I woke up in a really bad mood yesterday. One of those bone-tired, hurts to move, want to eat all of the pizza, bad moods that are so difficult to shake. I slept like shit, but being awake felt pointless. The thought of waking and doing the same thing over and over and over againContinue reading “My Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Day”

Another Unexpected Benefit

So I mentioned the other day that a few physical things in my life have been slowly improving: sleep, weight, etc., but yesterday I had a pretty big shocker when went for my monthly blood pressure check. I’ve been struggling with elevated-to-high numbers for about a year and a half now, and it’s bothered meContinue reading “Another Unexpected Benefit”

Reflections on Thirty Days

I meant to write more this week but my wife returned to work from her maternity leave on Monday and by about 1 pm both kids and I were in tears. Where my daughter has always been super chill, independent, and a helluva napper, the new baby is a little more challenging. Plus I’ve gotContinue reading “Reflections on Thirty Days”

A Case of the Fuck-its

My counselor said that I seemed a little off, during our one-on-one yesterday, and I had to be honest and tell her that I was really feeling over it.  Going a couple of weeks without a drink isn’t a huge deal in my normal life, I explained, I do it all the time.  But goingContinue reading “A Case of the Fuck-its”

On Jews and Drinking

One of my favorite Jewish heroes of old is Judith, and though there are many versions of her tale, I’ve been thinking a lot about the Hanukkah version.  Today is the last day of the eight days, and they’ve been filled with ritual, pageantry, and yes, stories.  Its struck me on this reading, though, howContinue reading “On Jews and Drinking”


Will I ever get through a counseling session without thinking how bad I need a drink? Even after all of the work I did this morning, still making myself vulnerable feels awful and wrong. Funnily enough that’s the big topic that came to light, today, as we spoke about the successes and failures of theContinue reading “Vulnerability”

Why Now?

I mentioned the other day that my next assignment for IOP is a three-page essay entitled, “Why Now?” in which I have to write out my reasons for stopping, and what it might look like if I don’t. I woke up feeling good, today, house quiet with sleep, and thought I’d give it a shot,Continue reading “Why Now?”

Things Normal People do Sober

I think it surprises a lot of people that you don’t just wake up feeling like roses once you decide to cut back on the booze.  If I hadn’t done this so many times before then I might be pretty upset at the three days I’ve spent in bed this week, at the splotchy messContinue reading “Things Normal People do Sober”